Entitled Conversation

I haven't been able to figure out why this camp seems to be so much harder than what I've ever experienced before.

I mean... it's camp.

There are no barriers. No fences. No scary guards or watch towers. No metal doors slamming. Not even locked doors.

So, what's up? Is it my mindset? I have a pretty good mindset, honestly.

Is it the unknown release date? Maybe partially, but that’s nothing to do with the place itself.

The BOP is awful- no doubt. All the facilities seem to have to same complaints in terms of conditions- some worse than others.

As I walked to work this morning, coffee in hand, taking in the brisk cold air, I felt grateful for another day. I talked to Elle yesterday, and her voice uplifts me. I got to speak with Luis, our loyal kitchen manager, and he reassured me so much in just a short exchange. I miss the crew, but knowing they are there to keep it pushing along, I am filled with gratitude. I saw two of my besties on Sunday. I heard updates about Ana, and she's doing well. I received cards and photos from loved ones last night. Derrell loaded me up with Amazon goodies, and makes sure I'm always whole. I have so much to be thankful for.

So, half way to work, as I'm mindful of all these things, I see an exchange between a few campers, and it hits me: the answer to why this place is driving me nuts!

I think the concept of housing low-risk, minimum security offenders to go to work on work release in order to pay their related debts, partake in therapy and/or needed treatment is a good one. I'm all for learning skills to better one's self, and practice tools to correct the behavior that caught us up, etc. I get it. It's a great way to ensure that non-violent offenders pay their dues and (a) get help and (b) be held accountable to pay their debt to society or financial restitution if applicable. I believe that's how the camp concept was born- but that's not what it's become.

As much of a travesty as it is, as much as one can go on about the agency being a money grab, scammers, slave traders, and all that I don't dispute, the fact is, they didn't randomly choose us to put here. We got here on our own. 98% of us. So, why can't we just suck it up and deal with it?

The campers I encountered this morning were on a rant about the complaints they've filed against their case managers for not agreeing to the terms they wanted. Filing lawsuits against the BOP, and having their families in congress' ear. Now again, I'm not disputing that the BOP is fifty shades of effed up, and I acknowledge that there are serious causes for some to go there- medical, rape, abuse, dangerous conditions. Absolutely valid. But here, there are so many women who walk around with this sense of entitlement, I'd swear they expect concierge service from the Four Seasons. This isn't a resort. We are not in control. Yeah, the conditions are piss poor. So, figure out your program, buy some vitamins with all the money you keep talking about, and get yourself together!

It's not easy to get up and see the best part of people (especially those who resist change). It's not easy to look in the mirror and know that as good as you have been in your life, you need to deal with something you may not be proud of. But the closer a person is to that point, the easier it is to accept the consequences and settle in.

This camp is full of kids who don't get it, or grown women who won't get it. I continue to lead these classes, and once in awhile, I see a glimmer of recognition, and it gives me hope that the importance of work ethic, or avoiding recidivism, or giving back, or awareness of the impact of criminal thinking... something we discuss is getting through.

Those are the moments that keep me walking by the conversations of the entitled.