Its Britney Bitch

I finished the much talked about biography of Britney Spears this morning.

Just wow.

I never really followed her to the point of knowing her life or anything. I like a couple of her songs, and she was sweet to Elle when she would make a guest appearance at Malibu dance for kids. Other than that, my thoughts on Britney Spears is that she was Britney Spears. The way Cher is Cher and J Lo is J Lo.

Everybody remembers when she shaved her head. I'd heard about the conservatorship on social media with #freebritney hashtags, but never understood the utter hell this woman has gone through.

I always said that I don't have any fears. No fear of heights, the dark, flying, the dentist, the boogie man, I'm not afraid of death. But jealousy? I might finally be afraid of the dangerous emotion that we cannot control in others. Jealously is by far the scariest thing I have seen or encountered. Seriously evil.

For a girl to be hated by her sister is a psychological, emotional, and disheartening thing. I have mentioned that I was born hated, and it's true. No chance from day one. Just plain old not looking forward to my birth. My existence would alter hers, and she was dead set on that being a negative thing. As a child, I learned how to captivate the grown-ups, gaining their attention, and jealousy began to fuel that hatred. The daggers of simply being unwanted, became wanting me dead. Jealously runs deep and becomes stronger every day. Thankfully, I had my sister Michelle pouring so much love and support in to me. She became my protector. I survived the dangers of that level of hatred. Plus, my parents adored me.

Britney didn't have a chance. The way her entire family treated her was criminal. Her father, at the least extent, should be in prison for what he did to her. Her mother and sister? Vile. The other family members? Well, what do they know about ignorance or looking away being complicit? That part. And all over power and greed, and above all, jealously. Her own sister reveled in her misfortunate, adding to her destruction instead of trying to help her through.

I had no idea how horrible it was for her. People assume that a young, beautiful, and talented starlet making tens of millions of dollars is charmed, I'm sure.

The way her parents taunted her, deprived her, stole from her, and monitored her every text message, had cameras and guards on her to make sure she couldn't let anyone know that she was actually not unstable. Until they gaslighted the hell out of her. They kept her just OK enough to force her to tour, keep them on the payroll for over $10M A YEAR BETWEEN HER PARENTS ALONE. while her card was being declined for sneakers and food.

Finally, when she was close to finding a way out of the 13 year confinement, they find over-the-counter energy pills from CVS in her bag during a routine search of her belongings, and throw her in a mental ward for months with no outside contact. Feeding ridiculous stories to the media, who we all know love bullying. Hateful people with enough money and contacts will get the media to create monsters out of anyone.

Imagine, not a single person on the planet to give you a hug, love you, say a kind word to you. Everywhere you go, people look at you like you're crazy and unfit. Strangers befriend you for one reason only. To use you and abuse you. That's all you know.

What that woman went through was worse than prison.

I had a video visit with my sister recently. I could tell something was bothering her right away. "I could just really use you home right now." She said. But there was more. When I probed, she said that she's been feeling out of sorts lately. There are a few family health concerns we discuss lately, but today she can't shake something in particular. She doesn't know what to do with it. Michelle reminded me that it's not in us to harbor hatred toward another person. To feel that toward your own blood is something that neither of us would've fathomed. Even when I was targeted growing up, I didn't hate the person. I learned to deal with it. I learned to manage it.

I think that once we learn to forgive ourselves and others, and become comfortable in our own skin, it's easier to let go and not concern ourselves with what others think or say about us. But what Michelle is forlorn over, are her own feelings toward others who have disgraced people (me and our family) who don't deserve it. I get it. But we need to let it go. I feel like whenever I see my sister while I am here, it saddens and frustrates her, and she starts becoming angry with others. Because she's not an angry person, alarm bells signal her neurons. As much as I miss her, it makes me feel bad when I see her sometimes. Knowing I am the source of her frustration. I tell her to take me being here out of the equation of what's on her plate, because I am fine.

After reading Britney's story, I gather that mine is not as isolated a situation as I thought. There is always someone out there who is or has dealt with a worse situation. Even if it doesn't feel like it. And they overcome.

Rise from the ashes. As many times as it takes.

Like a G-Damn Phoenix.