It Is What It Is

Problem solvers, tax payers, head of households, bill collectors, bill payers, appointment makers, calendar keepers, organizers, and think-outside-the-boxers.

There is usually one in every family, and most of the women who end up in a place like this were in that role in their world.

So, who makes sure all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted in our absence? That's a worry many women here face after starting their sentence. It's frustrating trying to control things going on at home- from here.

As time goes on, we realize we can't. Not productively. The more time that passes, the more we realize that it just won't get done the way it was, and resign to the hope and prayer that things will at least get done. If the gas shuts off, they'll learn how to pay the bill!

Pray that kids will not be broken, health will not decline, business will stay open. If not thriving, please God, just keep them alive.

When one gets to that stage, recognition comes in the way of a slight, tight lip curl in the phone line. Seeing the same thing we've been forced to work through in another who is trying desperately to control life outside. We all go through stages here. Regardless of who, how, what, and why, there's a commonality in that.

Those of us in that category often advance to the next stage of frustration... the uncomfortable neediness.

When you are the one who is accustomed to doing everything for everyone in your life, it is not only difficult to go from that to being completely dependent on others to do things for us that can not be accessed from here; it is difficult for our loved ones to get on it with the veracity that we would. We adjust our expectations. We recalibrate our timelines. What is so important to us in here may not be priority to those out there.

If we are not careful, feelings of resentment can creep in. The familiar "If/when the tables were turned..." thoughts creep in. The "After all I've done for everyone..." mentality.

There is liberation in the realization that everything will be as it will be. I remember when Ana first came to camp, she loathed the term "It is what it is." By the time she left, I heard her say it at least a few times. This place will challenge your character and change your prospective. It will also remind us that in prosperity, our friends know us, and in adversity we know our friends.

I look around some days and feel beyond blessed that I have the tribe I do in my life. I have friends who take care of my mental state, and send me books and magazines, and cards to remind me that I am loved and they are waiting for me. I have people in my life who remind me why they are in my life. Who still come to me with their woes when they need a friend.

For them, I am ever grateful.