Evaluate and Initiate
Maya Angelou was quite the modern philosopher. She's been quoted and re-quoted countless times, somehow avoiding cliche when her words are repeated. One of her most famous lines is "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." I think we've all seen those words memed- usually with some sort of wounded resentment attached to a post.
When a situation reminds me of those words, it is not with resentment at all. People prioritize according to their needs. Reminding us that expectations can get us in trouble. And paying attention to our relationships is more and more important as each year ticks along.
The start of a new year is the best time to evaluate our lives and our relationships. We value both. We are fueled by and pour in to both. We should be valued in return. It's easier for incarcerated people to settle for relationships with people who don't seem to value them as much as they do when the same people are free. Just as I'm sure it's human nature for those not confined to treat those relationships with less priority than they do when we are physically together. We're fortunate to have the time and space to reflect on those relationships, and take those reflections in to account when doing our relationship inventory.
To me, a friend is not defined by how committed they are during prosperity, as much as adversity. Ana had a line for that.
In prosperity, your friends know you; in adversity, you know your friends." We are reminded of this a lot around here.
In my continued quest to surround myself with positivity and accountability (real grown up ish), my circle is truly a triangle. If it gets any smaller, it'll be a line. I like it like that. I feel blessed to have the girlfriends I have in my triangle, because they are the real deal. We make time for each other and no BS comes between us.
Derrell and Elle are my automatics. My off-the-tops. My unconditionals. I don't take them for granted, but we know what it is. I'm talking about the relationships with my girls who have my back as I do theirs, devotedly. Rosie and Jenny- who define the term ride or die. Melina- who will defend me like Johnny Cochran in a room full of naysayers, and whose email I wake up to on New Year's day, time stamped 10 minutes before midnight, that I'm missed at the magical time when the calendar changes. You can't fake that kind of "miss you."
With all this said, the focus remains on reflection and inventory. Who will come with us in to this next year, and who will we wish well, but don't consider them uplifting or positive spirited for us to bring in to our future.
Consider those three words we chose for this year. Are all of our relationships serving those wishes for ourselves? If not, it may be time to say farewell, friend.